Counting Up Rather Than Counting Down.

When I first stepped on the elliptical, I was a little confused by the settings.  I figured I would start with fifteen minutes, fudge a little bit on my weight, and just go.  But then I realized something.

14:59

14:58

14:57

I couldn’t stop staring at the number.  I’m not sure what exhausted me more.  Was it the intensity of the work out, or was it staring at a number?  Sadly, after five minutes, I gave up.  I was out of breath and felt this wave of disappointment and mostly shame.  The number stared and blinked once I stopped.

9:42

After two days of refusing to even look at it, I came back.  I noticed that there was a Quick Start setting, so I could just easily press the button and start going.  This time, rather than counting down, it counted up.   I know it seems a little ridiculous that I’m bringing this up, but this time around I maintained a steady speed and stayed on for fifteen minutes.  The numbers didn’t taunt me this time.  This time, each second was a little motivator saying, “Look, you’ve gone another minute!  Let’s do another!  Hey!  You’re at ten minutes!  Ten more!”

The same has happened with my weight.  When I look at my weight now and where I need to be, that number is like counting down.  It’s why I could never do this before.  How can I get from here to there when there’s so much time in between staring at me, slowly crossing from future, present, and finally, to the past?  But then I reversed it.  I’ve lost eighteen pounds.  And like the seconds in each work out counting up, my weight loss cheers me on.  “Look, another two pounds.  You’re either melting or doing something right!”  The numbers don’t taunt me anymore.  And I realize that these numbers are just a manifestation.  They’re me.  I’m the one who taunts me and counts down.  That was the person I used to be, slowly dragging my feet and thinking, “Do I really have to do this?”  The person I am today counts up and says, “Why not do this?  What have I really got to lose?”

Today, I have been able to increase the speed of my workout and stay on for twenty minutes.  In the next couple of weeks, I hope to reach thirty.  I feel a difference in my body and even after a month, I’ve never felt this good in so long.